I.F. - Tree

My Natural Man

So ... we read in the scriptures that, the natural man is an enemy to God and has been from the foundation of the world and always will be and unless a man yields to the enticings of Holy Spirit.
   Today I found myself in the doldrums as has been common of late. My dear sweet girlfriend has been helping me in so many ways I could never repay her for the blessed help she is giving me, not in a score of eternities. This help has involved a hard and heavy realization that I am simply horrible at a number of keys things in life due in large part to laziness, and also that I have misunderstood life in such a fundamental way that I am forced to rewrite my entire definition of life and what it means.  Now do not call this an injustice of someone forcing their views on another and the subsequent extinguishing of those views previously held. I have known this for most of my life but have never been told how to deal with it let alone what the issues at hand were. I now understand why I have struggled for so long. I was lazy, the average person has thought their way out of these issues by their mid teens, I have not.
   I have long thought about my natural man. I do not want to be an enemy to God, I want to be His friend. I want to be one of His best friends. I want Him to be so proud of me that when I cross His mind a big grin washes over His glorious face. In thinking about my natural man I have known that I not only need to vanquish him but that I also want to, and desperately too. I have been thinking that I want to vanquish him so completely that I could almost be tried for murder. I know that when my natural man is gone only then will I know myself. I am a son of the Eternal God of the heavens above and the earth beneath. As such I am a brief passerby in this mortal tale. This mortality is not who I am, it does not and will not define me.  It will aid in the definition of who I am, but it is not the definition. I am a crown prince of the Royal God of Eternity. Until I know who He is I can not truly know who I am. In coming to know my natural man I am given the unique power and vision to behold the devil on one hand and the saint on the other. You can not truly know the one without the other. In the realization of the natural man we gain the power to defeat him and then become as God-like as possible. For this reason the natural man is an enemy to God, not just because of his ungodliness but because with his presence in our lives we have not proved ourselves to be Gods' friends.
   I must eschew the natural man. As I do so I will not only come to know myself but I will fulfill a dream I have dearly and quietly held onto for many years. I will be a guiding light to everyone around me. I do not really want people to see me when they are around me and also conversing with me. I want them to see the Father. A crazy notion and ideal perhaps but one I hold dear none-the-less. In that dream I have known that I could never accurately portray the Father without knowing Him. I also knew that I would never be able to fix a problem I have long had. People do not know me or know who I am. Not even my close friends know me. They all know different facets of myself, but no one knows me truly. And why do they not know me? Because I am still discovering who I am. I am changing from day to day, wildly so at times. I am trying to find out who I am and for that reason people do not know who I am. Till I come to the point where I am not the mirror of God but a portal to Him people will not know who I truly am. People when they see me will not see me but see Him. But first I must know who my natural man is. By coming to know this part of me I can come to know God.
  So after talking with the girlfriend today in rather long intervals about a lot of the issues currently plaguing me I had to go and literally run off a lot of depression, sadness, and stress. I have used running medicinally for many years in situations such as this. While out, I found myself briskly running the empty and dark beach front in San Francisco before resting a bit at my turn around point.  I was speaking with God voicing the desires of my heart, how I wanted to be so much better and so much more than I currently am.  As I began to run back home just as quickly as I had run out a new definition of the term "natural man" dawned on me.
   I have been lazy slothful my entire life. My natural man is not one that is prone to lust after riches and the things of this world or to sin with women, it is not one who tells a lie or even covets anything.  And there-in is my natural man. A man who desires nothing. One who knows his divine potential yet does nothing to seek after it. I have no passion in my life. I have interests but no passions. I have no reason for which to live. I have no drive for anything. I do not engage my mind. I do not pay attention to what I say let alone to what others say. I do not believe what I profess to believe, and I do not know how to get away from this all. My natural man is nothing at all like I had always envisioned him to be.
   The vanquishing of my natural man is going to be long, it is going to cost me a lot of effort, and I will be frustrated quit often. But it must be done. I have to engage my god-given mind every moment of every day, I have to be inquisitive on everything, asking why this and why that rather than just taking it all as it is through my warped views and understanding of the world. I have to learn to learn, I have to learn how to communicate with others, I have to find out what I am passionate and driven about in my life. I have to find a reason to be happy each and every day and not be dreary. My natural man does not crave naked pictures of women or empty bottles of drink, it does not seek after power or the pain of others. I love everyone, I truly do, more so than most think is prudent. My natural man is the one that has bound me to my current state of complete laziness. The one so powerful that I do not even know where and how to begin to change for the better. My girlfriend has enlightened me on all of these faults, painfully so for the both of us. And for this she has now empowered me with the tools I need to at least begin to change and fight back against my natural man.  I will one day care about everything, I will ponder upon everything, I will try my hardest at everything, and I will be a positive influence in the lives of those around me. That one day is on the horizon, I can see it. I have no idea how far away it is but I will race towards it with all of my strength each morning all day long.
   I have to go train now. A long fight awaits me and I must be strong enough to be the victor. I hope that we all can discover who our natural man is. Like me yours may not be bound to common sins. My natural man is not a lover of sins of commission but of omission. As we try and are blessed from heaven above we will find that, as it is written, God gives us weaknesses that they may be made strengths. He will show us our weaknesses and then help us to make them strengths. One bright and glorious future day I will be free from the oppression of the natural man and be free to change the world for the better as my soul longs to do.

What is important?

   So here I have been sitting wondering just what is important.  I really want to know.  For awhile now I have not really considered many things to be important.  This sort of arose from my heart surgery a few years ago.  You go through something like that, where you are forced to come face to face with  your own mortality and you don't exactly walk away from that unscathed.  I at least was not able to accomplish such a feat.  I sort of gained the view that there is so little in this life that truly does matter.  I mean at the end of the day when you are escorted across the River Styx by Death himself what will you be taking with yourself?  Your fancy car?  Your extravagant house?  Your bank account with all its gold?  What about your trophies, or your hobbies?  What do you think will be the things he lets you take with you?  I guarantee  you that it won't be anything tangible.  Only the immaterial will you be able to take across that river.  Thus I reasoned, if I die and can take none of this here with me, why then am I wasting my time accumulating all of this?  Why not spend my precious time on that which will have value to me on the other side.
   So from all of that I sort of started to not care about much because in the end I wouldn't get to take any of it with me.  So it was best if I just didn't get attached to anything.  Kinda sad don't you think.  Anyways  since I quit caring about pretty much anything I also lost almost all passion for life.  I just was an empty husk of a human, living from one day to another, without really living at all.  But I have learned better now.  Passion and caring are important in this life.  Maybe I don't have to care about money that much, but it can certainly make my life a lot better and then in turn I can use it to make other peoples lives better.  And this is a very worthy goal that I can and should get invested in.  Is it not a worthy goal then to earn as much money as possible?  Not because I get to take it with me but because the effects of it I can take with me.  Every life I bless and curse is an experience I take with me.  Even though I may not know any of the people I effect, their effection is mine none-the-less.  If I can make another life that much more pleasant, that much more happy, or that much easier then all of my efforts will be enough and not in vain.

Heavens Reality

   10/5-13

Prepare yourself for this is a hefty one.
   What really is the reality of heaven and the afterlife? We are taught that we die, are judged of our works and go on to our mansions of glory. But is that all there is to it? For we know that a life of harp playing is not all there is to it. We can all feel it in our souls, there is more to it than that.
   Take David for example. Do you really and honestly believe David is sentenced to the telestial world for eternities on end for one small series of mistakes? I am talking about eternities. You know that time frame that most people equate with infinity. I have learned differently, an eternity is still finite though the ends of its finiteness may be beyond human grasp. For example, take a law written in heaven in the eternity previous, or if you care for a more palpable term in the day before. We live in this day and the law will extend into tomorrow, or into the next eternity. Following that would not that law be without beginning or end with respect to that eternity? So, is it logical or even fair that multiple lengths of infinity be set for the actions of a mere few moments or days?  Are you trying to tell me that God in His infinite glory, wisdom, power, and love can not find a way to save each and every one of His children? That is sort of preposterous. Yes this is the plan of Happiness.  - That is another blog post for later - But really why can not the great God of the Universe save us all?
   Once we are judged and placed in our kingdoms of glory do you really believe that, that is it? Do you honestly believe that for a simple pronouncement of placement with regards to glory you will suddenly know every single thing knowable? That your eternal progression is only through posterity?  I can not believe that. I know to much to believe that. I am not saying that you have to believe as I do, I am grateful that the gospel permits us to believe differently. For in the words of my dear friend "I shudder each time I hear them say, 'I know this is the only true church'" It simply is not true. This may be the only religion that has the power of the priesthood and also modern revelation, it may be the only church ordained of God here on earth. But it is not the only true church of God. I realize I may be speaking in circles at the moment. But believe me when I say I have seen further and can say this, open your minds to what you have refused and see the reality for what it is. Heaven is more strange than we think and yet it is so similar to this life that it will astound us. I will touch on that one later too. Part of the reason we do not know more about Heaven is that our notions of it are so at variance to the reality of it that even if we saw it with our own two eyes we would refuse to believe it.
   I do not know what it will be like. Not yet at least. Will we if crowned as gods and goddesses begin right away on creating new creations without end or will we then step into a new phase of learning and preparation. For why learn the rules and methods of creation if you will never employ them. That being said I believe that this life is merely in one small sense to prove that we are worthy of the gift of godhood, not that we are ready and prepared for it. That preparation comes later. If heaven is closer to earth than we believe, is there any merit then to this idea? If just as we progress and learn in this life and then progress and learn more in the next life. Why not find additional lives after? Who is to say that there is not a God level 2, level 3 and so forth? The truth is stranger than we can comprehend yet it is so familiar to us that it will surprise us when we learn it.


--- Jeff

Zion

   10/4-13

   So my father was talking to me the other day. I told him how I felt alone and that no one was there for me. He responded that this life with regards to the gospel is a selfish one. There is only so much that the church leaders and members can do for you. The rest you are on your own to do. Now, while this in theory is true, we all know that theories are only true till disproven. Then the new prevailing theory will hold sway till the next advancement and so forth. I currently do not believe what he told me. I feel that there is a better way, a higher road to be taken. I am not saying I know the path to take, but for me I feel that in standing on his shoulders I have seen a little further. I was never arrogant enough to toss aside what my parents had to say to me, thinking I knew better. I have always considered important what everyone has to say. They all believe what they are saying for a reason and I should find out that reason. I do not have to believe their reasons but I owe it to them and myself and the future people with whom I will come in contact with to comprehend them. By understanding everyone I will be able to effectively see further than anyone and in turn be able to be more helpful to others.
   Now, yes our own individual salvation is a personal matter. But in reality it should not be. There is a reason the church has set up the varying programs that it has. Of classes and activities. We go to those to have fun but also to have the camaraderie and fellowship of one another. To listen to each others triumphs and celebrate in them but to also hear out our complaints and weep together in our failures. I may be stuck on utopian notions but really is there any reason why we are not living them?  Our home and visiting teachers are there for us, or are they? When we enter the waters of baptism we pledge to lift each others burdens and so on and so forth(Mosiah 18:8-9). But how often is someone really there for you when you need them? Rarely. We are always to caught up in our own lives to truly care about another human and the quality of their life and the varying ways in which we can effect it for the better. Zion is about one heart and one mind. Why were there no poor among them? Is it because they were all sharing each others monies? Or was it because the poor in spirit were cared for and nourished by the strong. Or because the they all knew they alone not one person can get back to heaven, not even the Lord himself. He needs us all to get back just as much as we need him. Do not reject that notion as heretical, think on it please. If he had not sacrificed himself and saved us all do you think that he would have been fit to be Lord and regain His rightful Heavenly Throne? Only in saving us and not coveting the flesh did He prove himself worthy to be our Lord and Savior. Zion is a communal effort. We rely on the Lord for his burden is light and easy to bear, and we also rely on each other. For therein we all lifting together each and everyones burden they all become lighter still. I do not struggle with alcohol yet you may, let me carry that burden for you. I can gladly carry that burden for another for decades without tiring. So why shouldn't I?
   Sure we struggle through times of weak faith, or pride inducing wealth, and periods of turmoil.  But if everyone truly cared about another then those issues would evaporate as the morning frost before the mighty sun.  They are all of little consequence and like the frost can not stand but a few seconds in the light of a day full of hours.  The frost never toppled a nation and you are mightier than a nation.   Do not believe me, look to the books. The annuls of time are riddled with the stories of men and women who forged, shaped, and even toppled nations and empires. Maybe our own story is not going to be entered into those books next to those tails. But if they can do it so can you. Yes I must stand on my own two feet but with others next to me I can do it, for I am not alone. The 5 wise virgins in truth could have helped the 5 foolish ones. In Zion there would be a way. Never look to defeat before consulting faith. We must but look for it, and then it will reveal itself to us. It may require a little bit more work. But really what is the worth of a soul? Is not a little bit of work worth it? There really is no reason for us to weather a storm alone. It does not make us stronger. It only teaches us that we are alone. If I walk on those waves of adversity with you am I lessening your growth? No, if anything I am increasing it, for you will through my assistance stand longer and walk further than you could have on your own. And then when I grow tired another would be there to help you keep going. Trials were not meant to passed alone, but communally. The strength and companionship that would arise from such trial sharing would be beyond the dreams of most mortal people. Do not be scared of such things. We will not be asked to carry someone all the time or everyday for a few minutes. The burden will truly be light, we just have to believe it and then act. Or journey to Heaven need to be a solo adventure. It does not need to be confined to just the blood family. It can be so much more.
   Believe that there is a higher road to follow. And then seek after it. I know it is there. It will require more effort, I can assure of that. But I can also promise you that as we all seek the path less trod and rise higher our views will be greater. We will see sweeping vistas that take our breath away and cause us all to whisper in silenced reverence "Wow, this was worth it."

--- Jeff

A New Leaf

   10/3-13
   So, life has been around the sun and back and back around again since I have last posted anything.  I know this may not be read for awhile.  But I will write none-the-less.  I may post images of work done, or simple ruminations, to deep thoughts of the fundamental nature of the heavens and not simply the perceived ones either.
   Today I am writing about inspiration.  I have a very special person in my life.  She has inspired to me to reach far higher than I ever would have dared to reach before.  I thought I was aiming for the stars before, but in talking with her and listening to her dreams and goals I realized that my simple dreams while dreams they still were, were not half as grandiose I had thought them out to be.  I was a mere commoner.  Against her I was nothing, I am nothing.  She is so much smarter and driven than I am.  She is not defeated by life as I am.  She is so much more spontaneous, so much more insightful, detail grasping, and far sighted than I am.  And I used to think myself fairly spontaneous and insightful.  I thought that I was seeing farther than others because of the details that I was seeing and the connections I was making that I was not hearing anyone else make.  Yet despite all that, by her side I am nothing special.
   Yet by her side she has made me so much more.  She has inspired me to reach higher.  I always knew at the bottom of my soul that I had the ability and the power to take the world on and change it, single-handedly if need be.  I was in a rut of to much construction and not enough intellectual banter.  Sure I was thinking to myself and going over things and talking ideas over.  But I never had the exchange with another person.  And that feedback from another, that external view point or critique is invaluable. They logic check your thoughts.  They refine them.  They even add to them.  I now realize that though I was thinking a lot I was slowing down and not thinking as broad anymore.  My social skills had deteriorated detrimentally and I am now paying the price of that.  That is what she has shown me.  I know that I can do and be better.  I know others are better than me.  But I was always alone.  No one ever believed in me and thus inspired me to reach for that almighty goal that was to be mine.  I was the lone driving force and inspiration in my life.
   Thus I say this.  We can all use not just a role model in our lives, those come a dime for a dozen.  But rather we need that inspiration in our lives.  That force that is working beside us and pushing us forward.  Whispering in our ears to try a little longer before we give up.  That force that raises our view a little higher and for once we see the distant horizon in all its grandeur and beauty in place of the dreary steps just before our feet.  That is the inspiration she has been to me.  I have no idea how long she will be a part of my life.  People come and go in life, that is part of what life is.  Some of them touch us to lightly that when the experience is passed we hardly knew that they even touched us.  Yet others touch us so deeply that a scar is etched across our soul.  One that will never be filled till they are back in our lives even if it is on the far side of the veil.  They can be friends, co-workers, lovers, and siblings.  Just open your hearts to the inspiration that others may give you and please try to inspire others for all you are worth.  We are all in this life together and though we may all live it differently and have varying ideals we can all support each other.

--Jeff

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